Brave, Little Fighter

Eleanora took this picture

March 2022

My husband held up my daughter’s unicorn piñata, the one we had been carefully transporting since Colorado.  He had it attached to a haphazard stick he found and handed my daughter another shorter, random stick.

“That doesn’t seem safe,” I said.

“We’ll find out soon,” he said nonchalantly.  

I laughed and replied, “That piñata is going to feel like us soon.  It’s going to have the crap beaten out of it.”

Turns out, his plan was perfectly safe.  After four days of sheer emotional misery, the sun finally made an appearance and life was still terrible, but each day was a little better than the last.  I’m glad we were able to glean a few moments of happiness for my 7th child’s 5th birthday amidst the grief and panic Peter and I were experiencing.  

Opening gifts

Eleanora showing her gifts to brothers via video call

She wanted a bundt cake, so we carried this pan around the country for weeks.  Her excitement was worth it.

Birthday Cake

Funny nose cups we've been meaning to use since Rachel's birthday, weeks ago

Piñata bashing

Birthday lunch and swimming

Newborn

A few hours old

Celebrating our daughter's life--our brave, little fighter--always puts trials in perspective.  I had six, home, water births and had hoped for the same with my seventh.  Unexpectedly, my water broke at 32 weeks pregnant and as my husband drove me to the hospital we wept at the possibility of losing this precious babe. 

I was able to keep her in for 6 more days, before giving birth at 33 weeks to a healthy, yet underdeveloped 5 lb 1 oz baby girl.  She spent three grueling weeks in the NICU and endured so much pain.  I have never been through anything so heart-wrenching and difficult.  

Sad little unicorn with a head IV

Another head IV--this one was worse because she could only nurse on one side

Tangle of cords

My sweet baby girl, is no longer a baby, but she's still our brave, little fighter.  We love you, Eleanora Skye! 

36 weeks old

SONG INSPIRATION

Show Me by Audrey Assad

I listened to this song on repeat during those three weeks in the NICU and every day the following months.   I come back to this song again and again whenever I feel both broken and hopeful.  

Show Me lyrics

You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in the battle
Put victory like fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and bring me back to life
But not before you show me how to die

Set me like a star before the morning
Like a sun that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me
But for now just let me be

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and bring me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
No, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me