Monday, February 6, 2023

Butte Was a Butt

Views from our campground
Sandpoint, Lake Pend Oreille



March 2022

After a week in Sandpoint we began our spring nomad trip.  How fast does bad weather travel?  As fast as we do.  We barely beat the snow when we parked our trailer in Missoula.






  







Immediately upon arrival, Asher set up a little work area on the floor to calculate how many trains he counted during our week in Sandpoint.  The RV park we stayed at was a stone’s throw away from the railroad tracks—a very busy railroad track.  The front desk warned me when I made reservations, “40-50 trains pass through day and night.”  And they did.  And he loved it.  I said, “It’s been a really great spot, except for the proximity to the tracks.  I’d give it 4 stars.”

Asher exclaimed, “5 stars from me, because of the trains!”



Asher counting trains in Sandpoint

Sandpoint trains at campground

Dec 3, 2021
“I don’t get it,” Asher writes in cursive at the top of his worksheet.  He is just learning cursive and even though he hasn’t learned all the letters yet, he likes to write everything in cursive now.  
“They want you to write a poem.”
“But how?” he says scrunching his freckled nose.
After I give him some ideas and try to explain, he is still confused.  I pull his beloved engineer hat off his head and place it in front of him.  The one that three brothers before him have also cherished.
“What does it look like?”
“Blue and white stripes,” he responds.
“Write that,” I say.
“What does it feel like?” I ask and he writes.  “When do you wear it?” I add.
“All the time!” he exclaims.
“Let’s find a different way to say the same thing,” I suggest.
“How does it make you feel?”
“Happy.”

And an 8 year old boy writes his first poem and his face beams with pride.  I took a picture of his exaltation and then we all burst out laughing when we saw the face his little sister was making in the background—angry about some injustice that she felt had been done to her (Josiah wouldn’t let her steal something out of his hands again).


I Love My Engineer Hat
by Asher Parker
Blue and white stripes
Old and frayed
Soft and comfortable
Worn night and day
Happiness



Back to Missoula--an hour later I had finished settling the trailer and I noticed Asher was on the verge of tears.  “What’s wrong?” I gently asked.

“I keep getting different numbers,” his voice quivered.  I looked at his little notes.  Two small little cards and then I noticed it was packed with information. 

This was no job for a regular calculator, so I spent an hour teaching him how to use an excel spreadsheet and letting him type in the information.  59 trains! 7024 cars!!


















During our drive to Missoula I had scheduled our trailer to be repaired in the morning, because we still didn't have water!  We woke up to a few inches of snow and carefully took it to the RV shop were they replaced our pump.  We left, $300 dollars poorer, elated that it wasn’t something more serious and excited to finally have some water tonight.  

Sandpoint
Water, water everywhere...except our trailer.  The valve finally arrived and once that problem was fixed we discovered the pump was bad and was overflowing the tank and causing it to pour out the bottom of the trailer.  Ugh!


We decided to keep driving, since the roads in Missoula were looking good and we really didn’t want to get stuck in Butte because it was the coldest place and it was only 1 1/2 hours away, so surely if we started now, we could get passed it tonight.  


You don’t always need a lifetime to know you made a mistake. Sometimes you know right away and it’s too late.  It took us three hours to get to Butte and then we had to stop.  The roads were too dangerous.  





We ended up in the worst possible place.  The one place we had decided we could not be in.  Our newly repaired pump and all our pipes were in danger.  We bought 5 gallons of anti-freeze, two small heaters, insulation, and heat tape and tried to save our freezing pipes.  We won’t find out if they are permanently damaged until we get out of the frozen wasteland—which will take several days. 





We are comfortable in the trailer--even when ice forms at our head and on our windows, thanks to our warm, down blankets.








I’ve learned two things.  1) You might travel faster if you don’t go anywhere.  Sweet, warmer Missoula, why did we leave you?  2) We can wear clothes.  Apparently if it gets cold enough I can handle sleeping in pajamas and Eleanora will keep her clothes on...most of the time.


Under other circumstances I’m sure I would have thought it a beaut because the mountains were beautiful, but on this trip Butte was a butt.










Asher trying to warm up over a heating vent


Random:
At a restaurant Eleanora pointed to the bathroom symbol and asked, “Why the boy is naked?" 
[pronounce make-ed]


SONG INSPIRATION

Calling All Angels by The Wailin' Jennys

"When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said
And I'm calling all angels
And I'm calling all you angels
And I won't give up if you don't give up"


In The Bleak Midwinter performed by The Lower Lights


Monday, January 30, 2023

A Very Long Time Ago



March 2022

On our last night in Sandpoint, we were frantically unpacking until late at night. We had to drive to several different storage units and fix what we could of the terrible packing job.  

The movers we hired were really roofers and they tossed our belongings like they were roofing. 


While working, we had a surprise visit from our elderly neighbor, Del (the one who had a tooth pulled and was stuck behind Peter).   As he walked into our mudpit, he reached out his arms for a side hug and asked, “How you doing, kid?”  
I nestled into his 6 ft 4 frame, a man I’d never met in person, and said, “Not good,” as my eyes filled with tears.  What I didn’t know at the time was that I could have added, “But a little better now,” knowing not everyone on the mountain didn’t want us there, knowing someone knew this was hard and cared.
  





As we were saying good-bye to him in the dark, another neighbor walked by with her dog and we visited--another nice person.  She is also on our mountain for the same reasons as our family.  She is a nurse that lost her job due to mandates.  What?!  Are there that many of us or is it fate that we’d end up on the same remote mountain?*  



“You have to talk to her mom!” my son, Caleb, who is on a mission in Vancouver Washington urged.  So I called this stranger that my son had met his first few weeks on his mission and we connected and our kids began writing letters to each other.  They have seven kids, the same ages, homeschool, and moved to Idaho for the same reasons we did.  The kids have loved writing each other and it has made the move more exciting for them.  They had us over for dinner one of the last nights in Sandpoint and we had so many “me too” moments. 

Penpal friends wishing Eleanora a Happy Birthday!

I’ve had other “me too” moments with random strangers during our move.  Who knew I would find my people by talking about having no water and using a bucket.  While looking for sawdust in some little town in Montana, the gal over the phone starts talking to me about the finer points of composting human waste and my options.  Another clerk at a store finds me the perfect solution when I tell her our needs—a bunch of free bags of wood pellets since they were damaged.  
In Idaho, a gas station clerk finds out about our bucket-peeing ways and commiserated about how they’ve been using an outhouse for years.  I tell her about my mixing bowl chamber pot.  She doesn’t think I’m weird or disgusting.  Instead she tells me they do the same thing on cold nights and we laugh as she tells me she thinks her mother is dehydrated from how strong her pee smells. 

A gem of a neighbor, Al, is happy to help and has big toys.  Bulldozer?  Yes, please.  
I ask, “Will you you let me know when there’s no snow on the ground, so I know when we can come back?”  
“You bet!”
The next day I get a call from him and he jovially says, “Just calling to let you know there’s still snow on the ground.”  
We laughed, but what he was really saying is, “You are welcome and I’m here for you.”
Can I already love someone so soon?  I think I do.

One of the sweetest notes of encouragement I was given during this journey was by my sister, Jennifer.  She wrote on Aug 24, 2021


"I’m praying for your family. You created a beautiful life in the Marshall Islands. You created a beautiful life in New Mexico. You will create a beautiful life again somewhere new and you will be off on an exciting adventure. Change is sometimes sad, usually stressful, and yet so full of possibilities. I like to believe that you will be upgrading to an even better life that fills you with even more joy than you have found in New Mexico."


I keep this post-it with the stages of grief in my folder


I still don’t know how we’re going to do it all.  I still don’t know if we can afford anything with the costs soaring and supply chain issues.  I’m still grieving.  Grieving for what we left and grieving for what we have to do, but I tell myself, “Empires fall, but people find a way.”  
This month and especially this week has felt like a lifetime.  It was a very long time ago—last Monday.


The littles love making gifts for each other.  Asher's gift to Eleanora.




Eva's fish




SONG INSPIRATION
Trust in You by Elenyi
"Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet...
No matter what I face, You're by my side
When You don't move the mountains
I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust
I will trust in You"

Georgia by Katie Pruitt
"I wanted to be honest
I wanted to be brave…
He thought if I told the world
They would not see me as the same girl
They'd say I don't belong
I don't belong
Well, that's where he's wrong"

Apocalypse Lullaby by The Wailin' Jennys
"Hurricanes will come
Earthquakes break the walls
Oceans rise
Empires fall
Enter world, light unshown
Follow heart, follow home
Here we are, light unshown
One round heart, one round home"

*Turns out it may be both, as we've met more and more like us during our adventures.

Sunday, January 29, 2023

Brave, Little Fighter


Eleanora took this picture

March 2022

My husband held up my daughter’s unicorn piƱata, the one we had been carefully transporting since Colorado.  He had it attached to a haphazard stick he found and handed my daughter another shorter, random stick.

“That doesn’t seem safe,” I said.

“We’ll find out soon,” he said nonchalantly.  

I laughed and replied, “That piƱata is going to feel like us soon.  It’s going to have the crap beaten out of it.”


Turns out, his plan was perfectly safe.  After four days of sheer emotional misery, the sun finally made an appearance and life was still terrible, but each day was a little better than the last.  I’m glad we were able to glean a few moments of happiness for my 7th child’s 5th birthday amidst the grief and panic Peter and I were experiencing.  

Opening gifts
Eleanora showing her gifts to brothers via video call






She wanted a bundt cake, so we carried this pan around the country for weeks.  Her excitement was worth it.






Birthday Cake

Funny nose cups we've been meaning to use since Rachel's birthday, weeks ago








PiƱata bashing

















Birthday lunch and swimming





Newborn

A few hours old


Celebrating our daughter's life--our brave, little fighter--always puts trials in perspective.  I had six, home, water births and had hoped for the same with my seventh.  Unexpectedly, my water broke at 32 weeks pregnant and as my husband drove me to the hospital we wept at the possibility of losing this precious babe. 



I was able to keep her in for 6 more days, before giving birth at 33 weeks to a healthy, yet underdeveloped 5 lb 1 oz baby girl.  She spent three grueling weeks in the NICU and endured so much pain.  I have never been through anything so heart-wrenching and difficult.  

Sad little unicorn with a head IV



Another head IV--this one was worse because she could only nurse on one side


Tangle of cords

My sweet baby girl, is no longer a baby, but she's still our brave, little fighter.  We love you, Eleanora Skye! 

36 weeks old




SONG INSPIRATION
I listened to this song on repeat during those three weeks in the NICU and every day the following months.   I come back to this song again and again whenever I feel both broken and hopeful.  

Show Me lyrics
You could plant me like a tree beside a riverYou could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wildAnd I would blossom like a flower in the desertBut for now just let me cry
You could raise me like a banner in the battlePut victory like fire behind my shining eyesAnd I would drift like falling snow over the embersBut for now just let me lie
Bind up these broken bonesMercy bend and bring me back to lifeBut not before you show me how to die
Set me like a star before the morningLike a sun that steals the darkness from a world asleepAnd I'll illuminate the path You've laid before meBut for now just let me be
Bind up these broken bonesMercy bend and bring me back to lifeBut not before You show me how to dieNo, not before You show me how to die
So let me go like a leaf upon the waterLet me brave the wild currents flowing to the seaAnd I will disappear into a deeper beautyBut for now just stay with meGod, for now just stay with me