Unwanted

 Feb 2022

We had two 40 ft shipping containers moved onto our property earlier in the month.  We had to have 6 ft of snow moved from the entrance and 4 ft from the container's spot.

Gratefully, we were sent lots of pictures during the whole process, since we couldn't be there for it.

Snow blocking entrance

If I had been there I don't know that I would have ever asked anyone to get these monsters on our mountain...in the snow!  But I wasn't there, and I didn't get the gravity of what I was asking, and miraculously they made it!

March 1, 2022

We had arrived in Sandpoint the night before and we were excited to finally show the children the property.  Peter went ahead of us in the truck and I got a desperate call from him.  "I got stuck in the snow and now all our neighbors hate me!"  He explained that when he got stuck in the snow he trapped our elderly neighbor who had just had a tooth pulled.  That neighbor called another neighbor to use his tractor to pull Peter to our property.  That neighbor resented it and his last words to Peter were, "You better buy a tractor." 

"Honey, I'm sure they don't hate us," I reassured.  

Then I got a little taste of my own.  I pulled off at the turn-out at the end of our road, 0.7 miles from the entrance to our property.  I needed chains before proceeding, but I didn't know how to put them on.   Peter had planned on helping me, but we were running late for our scheduled appointments so he had gone ahead and now was stuck on our property.  There was no phone reception were I was, so I couldn't call Peter to coordinate.  

While I was trying to decide what to do, one of our neighbors was parked waiting for his two children at the bus stop.

We were obviously in distress, but he never offered any help.  I finally went up to his window and told him about our plight.  

"I can't call my husband who is stuck on the mountain."  No offer to help.

"I have chains, but I don't know how to put them on."  No offer to help.

"Maybe I should walk up the mountain," I suggest.  Still no offer to help.  Instead he said coldly, dripping with irritation, "Why'd you move here?"  
Once his kids arrived they piled in and he drove up the mountain without a backward glance.  It turns out his place is only 0.2 miles from ours, but he didn't offer to even take me that far and would have let me walk 0.7 miles uphill, in the snow.

At one point, "the tractor" neighbor came down to pick up his kids, (I knew him from the vehicle description from Peter) and I went to his window and thanked him profusely for helping us.  He scowled and barely nodded acknowldgement.  Our neighbors were a salty bunch.  

Thankfully, someone from our church (the one who had helped coordinate the shipping containers) showed up and brought Peter down to help me with chains.

We made it to the property, but were feeling deflated after our neighbors made it very apparent they were not happy to share the mountain with us.  Earlier that day, we hired a kind neighbor to bulldoze a small area so we could get onto our property.  It was now a giant mudpit and the logs and snow surrounding it reached up to 8 feet.  The muck, constant rain, and winter gear made me feel claustrophobic.

I sucked up the tears that I wanted to shed, because now was not the time.  Instead I met face-to-face for the first time with "the dozer" neighbor and "the church" friend and his friend.  At the same time those introductions were happening, we also met with a well driller and the electric engineer.  Everyone was being very nice, but it was very overwhelming to be asked where I wanted the power to be and where the house and barn were going to go.  I had an idea when we came in the autumn, but now it was all covered in snow, except for the mudpit we were standing in, and I struggled to make a decision.  I eventually chose a spot, but called later in the week and asked them to put everything on hold so that I could make an informed choice once the snow had melted and I could see the actual ground.  It was frustrating to know I was delaying the project by months, but in retrospect it was the best decision.

After a few hours it was just our family on the mountain and I helped the children get their winter gear and snow shoes on so they could play.  I was too dejected for frolicking.  Instead I was inspecting our over-priced shipping containers that were almost blocking our entrance and dripping with condensation, and wondering how...how we were going to do this.

Drive to Fox Glen

Fox Glen in snow and mud

The snow was hip deep.  Rachel initially went without her snow shoes and it took Eva 30 minutes to dig her out.

SONG INSPIRATION

Answer by Sarah McLachlan

"If it takes my whole life, I won't break, I won't bend

It'll all be worth it, worth it in the end...

Cast me gently into morning

For the night has been unkind"

A Queen

Feb 2022

Due to the freezing temperatures we weren't able to use water in the trailer.  I bought an insulated/heated hose and we were looking forward to finally having water and a flushable toilet in the trailer.  When we hooked it up we discovered one of the trailer hose valves had a leak, which meant still no water for us.

We had been using a chamber pot (aka mixing bowl).  Don't worry, I never cook in that one.  It has been my camping/travel pee pot for years.  It was born after an experience with a skunk.  I was pregnant and we were camping in a Vermont cabin that I kept calling a shed, because it was that tiny. I had been holding my pee for hours, because I was dreading getting out of bed and going out in the autumn chill.  When I could hold it no longer I stepped outside to find a skunk!  I quickly jumped inside and frantically searched for something to use.  I found a quart plastic container.  My pregnant belly was in the way and the pee kept coming and coming while I exclaimed, "It's not stopping!  I don't know if I'm going to overflow!"  I know exactly how much my bladder can hold--3 and 7/8 cups.  

After using our chamber pot for several days, I purchased a porta-loo (aka bucket with a toilet seat) and felt like a queen.  

Once our truck was repaired we continued our journey sans water.  The children and I randomly stopped in Deer Lodge Montana, while Peter continued on the road.  We had fun in the quirky little town that paid homage to its past and current prison history.

Walking the Old Prison exterior
Eleanora asked, "Is this the place you got married?"  

This little girl oozes pizzaz

A little sustenance at Prison Pizza

After a little exit confusion that added extra miles, we made it back on the road.  The weather started to get bad and I began to worry about catching up to Peter before hitting the mountain pass.  

White knuckles.  Trains for Asher.

There was no phone reception and I was so relieved to find my man along the mountain road to put the chains on for me.  

  

Life's been hard.  Can you tell?

Crossing into Idaho! 

Sandpoint RV lot

A much needed shower and hot sauna...and flush toilet

Add several hours to the drive due to mistakes, weather, and hauling trailers.

SONG INSPIRATION

Let It Be by The Beatles

I especially love that "Mother Mary" mentioned in the song is Paul McCartney's own mother who visited him in a dream 10 years after her death and told him everything would work out and to just let it be.  

Stressed, Not Dead

Feb 2022

As we finally piled into the van and our caravan took off from my in-laws two hours later than planned, I said, “I’ll try to give you an update tonight, but if you don’t hear from us don’t worry. We’re just stressed, not dead.”

No truer words have been uttered by my lips.  Our 6 hour drive turned into 8 hours, with only 5 hours going in the right direction.  Near the Utah/Idaho border I missed a turn and added an hour in the wrong direction.  Then in Montana on a desolate mountain pass late at night at 3ºF, the diesel truck began sputtering and shuddering.  We were able to hobble at 20 mph for 5 miles to get to a rest area.  I continued onward with the children trying to find a town with services to buy diesel fuel additive.  Another 1 hour driving, plus an hour of waiting at a freezing gas station for a report from Peter.  Two more pointless hours.  

Close to 10 pm, Eleanora reached her breaking point, as I was trying to solve this latest emergency on a pitch black, mountain road in some remote area of Montana.  When I finally found a gas station, I pulled her onto my lap to comfort her.  After 10 minutes, I told her I needed to go in before it closed and she asked pitifully, “But who will take care of me?”  I handed her off to capable siblings and did what needed to be done, before coming back and rocking her to sleep.

We eventually made it back to Peter a little before midnight and working quickly in the bitter cold wind got all the children into the trailer.  We left the trailer slide in and put them to bed fully clothed in the icy trailer.  

39º inside trailer at bedtime

54º upon waking

We spent the morning climbing over benches and squeezing past each other.  We kept the slide in to conserve heat and because we weren't properly stabilized.  Once we were settled in an RV park (the term is used very loosely here) we opened the slide and our trailer felt palatial! 

When morning came, we tried the truck again to no avail before calling a tow truck.  The reception was spotty, but if we stood just right a crackly call could be made.  

Tow truck time-lapse

We had a quiet day of waiting today.  Waiting for the tow truck.  Then waiting for the repair shop to open tomorrow and hoping it has the parts needed and we can still make it to Sandpoint in time for all our scheduled appointments. 

 

We got stuck in Kidd, MT between Dell and Dillon.  When I discovered we were following the Bitter Root Mountain Range, I laughed, “How appropriate!  It’s bitter cold and bitter disappointing.”

Thankfully, Peter and I have our breakdowns at different times so one of us can help the other through.  Today was his.  Mine will probably be tomorrow.  With all the waiting, I don’t have to wonder, “Who will take care of me?”  We take turns and we take care of each other.

SONG INSPIRATION

Fall On Me by Andrea Bocelli & Matteo Bocelli

I love Waffle Love, so we stopped to eat on our way out of Utah.  Parking the utility trailer is a beast and more difficult than the longer travel trailer.   If anyone was watching me get in this spot they probably thought of this clip.

And

Feb 2022

Sometimes your pain needs a voice.  After leaving our home, I had silently cried on the drive on and off, but real healing began in a nondescript parking lot-type RV park in Farmington NM.  The park bathroom was clean and I was alone and I wailed for at least 20 minutes. 

After my lament, I returned to the trailer where I was immediately enveloped with peace.  The children's laughter and smiles were manna from heaven.  After neglecting my children while I frantically packed, it was a balm to be in a small space together.

Hair brushing train

Much needed stretching after all our packing

Some experiences in life are or, but most are and.  I am grieving and excited for the future.  I am sad and happy. I am tired and...exhausted.

We spent a week in Utah and had a much needed rest.  We finally had a moment to celebrate Rachel's 14th birthday, nine days late.  We also enjoyed a milestone with Eva and were able to take her to the temple for her first time.

Provo Temple

There was joy and there was also pain.  Asher & Josiah endured a terrible stomach bug that lasted days.  Asher was using one of Grandma's old containers to vomit in and after a day of use he read, "add flavor to life" & "no artificial flavors," and weakly began laughing.    

Farewell pictures.  I was only going to share one, but then I noticed the mad girl.  I can't remember why Eleanora was upset and neither can she, but this set made me smile.

Rachel was given a fresh flower lei for her birthday from her
Young Women's group in NM

SONG INSPIRATION

A Safe Place to Land by Sara Bareilles ft John Legend

Favorite lyric

"When letting go is braver than keeping"